目次
On “Lunch Breaks” and “Collared Humans”
読者の皆さま、ごきげんよう。
この文章を、どうか健やかな気持ちで読んでいただければ幸いです。そして願わくば、決められた「昼休み」の時間に追われながら慌てて昼食をかき込んでいる最中ではありませんように。
というのも、人間の世界には、十分に成熟した大人でありながら、まるで学生のように昼食を取る時間があらかじめ決められている方が少なくないようなのです。その短い時間内に食事を済ませられなければ、容赦ない監督者によって、その後は食べることすら許されない場合もあるとか。
もちろん、それが理にかなっている職場もあります。軍隊や、時間との勝負である外科医やパイロット、そして前回じっくりお話ししたパン職人などは、そのよい例でしょう。
しかし一方で、「ホワイトカラー」と呼ばれる職業では、物事はどうやら「四半期」ごとに進むらしく、私にはその目的も魅力も今ひとつ理解できませんが、大量の表やグラフを作り、それを「会議」と呼ばれる集まりで何度も眺めては話し合うことが、大切なお仕事のようなのです。
Greetings dear readers, and I hope this finds you well, in good health, and also in a position wherein you aren’t having to rush for lunch during some specified “break” or other such toils that I understand are entirely too common for many humans these days. What I mean to say, is that there are apparently, many people who find themselves – despite being fully grown and largely autonomous adult humans – placed in an awkward position wherein there is a fixed window for lunch as though they were still in school, and if they fail to secure adequate nutrition during this window they are forbidden to acquire by inexorable supervisors. Now, surely in many organizations and environs this is a reasonable and even quite sound policy, such as the military or perhaps work wherein time is of the essence such as surgeons, pilots, and as we discussed at length during the previous episodes, bakers. However, there are a great deal of positions and professions generally known as “white collar” jobs wherein things are apparently largely decided upon a “quarterly” basis and while I don’t fully understand the purpose or indeed the interest in these kinds of activities, apparently they consist largely of making a great deal of charts, and graphs, and having things called “meetings” wherein these charts and graphs are discussed with great regularity.
ところで、この「ホワイトカラー」という呼び名も、私には長らく謎でした。襟の色が、いったい何の関係を持つのでしょう。
この疑問を伯父―そう、妖怪人類学者であり講師でもある、あの伯父です―に尋ねたところ、今どきの人間は仕事中に襟そのものを身につけることさえ少ないのだそうです。
さらに伯父によれば、「ホワイトカラー」は「ブルーカラー」と呼ばれる人々と並んで存在しています。青い側の人々は、建物そのものを建てるとき以外は、あまり「オフィス」と呼ばれる建物の中では働かないそうです。
つまり、青い服の人々が建物を築き、維持し、その建物の中へ白い服の人々が毎日「仕事に行く」。どうやら両者は、少し不思議な共生関係にあるようですね。
No one has been able to sufficiently explain what the color of one’s collar has to do with any of these strange rituals and even my dear uncle (yes the oni anthropologist and lecturer, that’s the one) has assured me that nowadays collars are decidedly “out of vogue” in most human professions. He also mentioned that these “white collared” peoples exist alongside but somewhat in contrast to the so-called “blue collared tribe.” Apparently, the blues don’t often involve themselves in the peculiar undertakings inside the “office” structures except in the case wherein the structures themselves are being built. So, it appears that there there is a kind of strange but intriguing symbiotic relationship among these two species, wherein those of the blue garments build and maintain the structures, that those of the white garments “go to work,” inside.
けれども、私たち鬼にとって本当に理解しがたいのは、「仕事へ行く」という言葉そのものなのです。
ブルーカラーの方々が、カラスにも少し似た勤勉さで資材を集め、何か月、あるいは何年もかけて働くための巣を築く。その姿は実に分かりやすいものです。
人間には蜂の巣の中が見えなくても、働き蜂や女王蜂たちの営みの末に蜂蜜ができることは分かっています。同じように、その営みには確かな成果があります。
ところが、奇妙な椅子に座った何十人もの人間が画面を見つめ、鍵盤を勢いよく叩き続ける光景は、私たち妖怪には何が起きているのかまるで分かりません。
それでも最後には「お金」というものが生まれるらしいのです。しかも今では金貨や銀貨ではなく、小さなプラスチック片に宿る、ある種の魔法の契約のようなものになっているとか。
実に驚くべきことです。
Yet, I must confess dear readers, it is precisely this phrase “go to work,” that we oni find very difficult to understand on an intuitive level. Whereas it’s quite plain, even to the feeblest of intellects or as we oni would say, not wishing to be overtly impolite, “those who favor their muscles more than the brain that drives them,” that the “blues” collect various materials (not unlike the ravens, a species slightly more gifted – in our own estimation – than mankind in terms of industriousness and cleverness) and build these sort of “worker nests” over a period of several months or sometimes several years depending on the structure. In the same sense, the inner machinations of a beehive and the hum of activity that goes on within is largely opaque to the human observer, it is undeniable that the complex interactions of the worker bees, queen, and drones are, in the end, able to produce honey.
In the same respect, the precise meaning and import of the fitful dance of dozens of humans in strange and uncomfortable chairs looking at screens and hammering away at keyboards is largely lost on the yokai kingdom, we oni included. However, we cannot deny that something called “money” is somehow produced a the end of all this frenzied activity though it apparently no longer takes the form of gold, silver, or other valuables but is now a sort of “magical pact” and stored on small bits of plastic. Remarkable, truly.
But now, where was I?
そうそう、「昼休み」の話でした。
実に奇妙ではありませんか。会議や儀式のような仕事そのものは昼食とは何の関係もないのに、人間は「ビジネス」という営みの都合で、昼食だけはきっちり決められた時間に取らなければならないのです。
もちろん、宗教や妖怪の伝統にも断食はあります。厳かな行事や季節の節目に備え、食事を控える習わしは珍しくありません。
私たち鬼にも「鬼夜祭」の前夜に夜食を楽しみ、その後二日ほど節制する風習があります。昔ほど厳格ではなく、今では「軽めの食事にしておきましょう」という程度ですが―狩猟の祝祭のお話はいずれまた、人間に話しても差し支えない範囲でご紹介しましょう。
Oh yes, the so-called “lunch break” praxis. Most strange, I must say, for it would appear that these abstruse religious practices, vestments, and ritualistic gatherings have very little to do with acquiring the means for lunch and are instead entirely the purview of what mankind calls “business.” Now, in fairness, many human religions and even several yokai traditions practice fasting and have certain periods wherein abstaining from great feasting or even food entirely is appropriate, mostly in preparation for a solemn event or a changing of the guard in the yokai kingdom (perhaps more on this later). Why, even we oni have a sort of midnight meal tradition followed by a two-day fast on All Oni’s Eve but, the practice is somewhat less rigid than in ages past and the fast is more of a, “only a light meal,” sort of guideline to prepare for the “Feast of the Hunt,” (again, perhaps more on this another time or at least the details I’m at liberty to discuss with mankind).
それでも私は、この「ビジネスをするためのビジネス」と、決められた昼休みには、少々子ども扱いの匂いを感じてしまいます。
もし昼食の時間を決めるのであれば、お昼寝の時間も同じように保障されるべきではないでしょうか。
白い襟の方々は、どういう理由かは知りませんが、青い襟の方々と区別するために白い襟を着け、短い昼休みの間に急いで食事を済ませます。それなら、食事が気に入らなかったり時間が足りなかったりして不機嫌にならないよう、心地よい昼寝も必要です。
さらに当然ながら、お昼寝のあとは短い休み時間を設け、屋内外で遊び、栄養のあるおやつを配り、飲み物はジュースか牛乳を選べるようにするべきでしょう。
そんな提案を笑う方もいるかもしれません。読み聞かせまで始めたら、物語の好みで言い争いが起き、会社中が混乱するではないか、と。
Yet, this “business of doing business” and the designated “lunch break,” strikes me as a bit infantilizing, if not entirely punitive. In fact, I’ll go further and say that if a “lunch time” is to be mandated then it is only just and fair that a “nap time,” be given equal sanction. If these workers and their poor uncomfortable collars (which must be white for some reason, presumably to avoid confusion with the so-called “blue-collars” who, to my knowledge, have no such bizarre lunchtime rituals and no excessive so-called “meetings” or other rites) are to be given only a brief window for a midday meal then they should also be afforded a cozy nap lest they become disgruntled and cranky if the meal time or meal contents is not to their liking. In addition, and this really is a most obvious conclusion, there should be a brief recess after the “nap break” with both indoor and outdoor activities and an accompanying light but nutritious snack and with the option of juice or milk for all workers. Some of you may think that this is a profoundly silly suggestion because nap time would ideally also be accompanied by stories and workers would be apt to argue about the story in question and this would lead to all sorts of dysfunction and perhaps even a general strike.
ですが、その心配には簡単な解決策があります。
絵本は大きな箱から無作為に選び、読み手は日替わり。当番を交代し、新しい本を隔週で加えつつ、みんなに愛される定番作品も残しておけば、本の好みも自然と広がるでしょう。
それでもなお、「昼寝なんて絶対に嫌だ。もっとグラフを作り、もっと会議に出たい」という働き者もいるかもしれません。その点は私も認めます。
しかし、そのための工夫も考えてあります。
昼寝を断固として拒否する方には、「特別な機会」という名目で清掃のお仕事を任せるのです。建物の維持費も節約できますし、不機嫌になって癇癪を起こす方も減るでしょう。
さらに、熱心な方には昇進の道も用意します。昼寝のあとに毛布をたたみ、おやつを配る役目も加えれば、指導力や管理経験まで身につきます。
一方、今の役割に満足している方や、とりわけ眠たい方は、安心して体を休めればよいのです。
ほら、ご覧ください。鬼が少し知恵を貸すだけで、ずっと穏やかで、ずっと公平な職場になるではありませんか。もっとも、それは人間が昼休みや白い襟といった奇妙な風習を続けるのであれば、のお話ですが。
この提案は無料で差し上げます。ただ私は、人間がもう少しだけ気持ちよく働けたら、それで十分なのです。
結局のところ、この「人間のビジネス」というものは、私たち鬼には最後まで完全には理解できないのでしょう。どれほど人間を学んでも、どうしても手の届かない不思議というものは残ります。
けれど、それこそが人間の世界をこれほど魅力的にしている理由なのかもしれません。
それでは、また次回。Until next time!
Now, here the solution is again quite simple: story book are selected at random out of large box and the designated worker changes each day. New books are to be rotated in every alternate week with a standby of classics beloved by all to sort of round out the literary palette as it were. Again, I can imagine that many of you are still incredulous and believe that as a humble, country oni I have misunderstood a very critical aspect of this proposal. You are of course referring to the fact that some workers may absolutely detest taking naps and might even become boisterous or downright bellicose at the idea of a forced slumber when they’d vastly prefer to make more charts, and look at more graphs, and attend more meetings. I appreciate your concern and concede that this does represent a significant obstacle. Yet, allow me to prove how much consideration I have given to this thorny conundrum with the following ingenious solution.
Those workers who obstinately refuse to secure a much needed respite following luncheon have the opportunity (or so we shall call it to entice them to constructive action) to participate in janitorial duties. This would, I believe, save considerable costs on building maintenance and also defuse the delicate situation wherein various employees might otherwise engage in an outright temper tantrum. Hence a reduction in personnel costs could be easily achieved along with providing “incentives” to the more restless employees. These eager and dedicated “go-getters” could then have the option for “promotions” which would include, but not be limited to, folding the blankets following nap-time and assisting with distributing snacks in addition to their existing duties, thus fostering leadership and “managerial experience” among recruits who otherwise may grow listless and frustrated. In the meantime, those employees who are content with their current roles or perhaps just especially sleepy, would have time to recuperate. So you see, with a bit of oni ingenuity it would be quite easy to implement a far more pleasant and, I should think, much fairer working environment – that is if grown humans really do insist on keeping these bizarre customs of lunch breaks, collars, and whatnot. I submit these proposals free of charge, and only wish to see mankind a bit happier in their toils. For you see, it is something we oni have only the faintest understanding of, this “business of human business,” I mean. No matter how much we may learn of the ways of man, I suspect certain practices and behaviors shall always hold a sort of mystique for us yokai and always remain just outside our reach.
Perhaps this is precisely what makes the human world so fascinating.
Until next time!
“What a splendid land this is, and how lovely are its people! Fear not, I promise not to eat anyone!”
-Aka-Oni
