目次
On the proper order of pleasures
読者の皆さま、ごきげんよう。
この文章が、熱いお風呂にゆっくり浸かり、おいしい夕食を味わい、最後に香りのよいお茶を一杯―できれば、その順番で楽しんだ後の穏やかな気分の中で読まれていることを願っています。
もっとも、夕食を先にいただき、そのあとでお茶を飲み、最後にお風呂へ入るという方もいらっしゃるでしょう。お風呂の後では少し体が重たく感じられて、しばらく食事をする気になれないという人も少なくありません。
そう考えると、私が想定している「美味しい食事、お風呂、お茶」の前に、どんな状況があったのかを説明していませんでしたね。その点を問いただされても、ごもっともです。
たとえば以前お話しした、突然降り出す「ゲリラ豪雨」に巻き込まれ、雨ふり小僧のいたずらの犠牲になってしまったとしましょう。びしょ濡れのまま家へたどり着き、いたずら好きの妖怪たちを恨めしく思いながら玄関を開けると、湯気の立つ料理の香りがふわりと漂ってくる―そんな瞬間には、ほっと胸をなで下ろすものです。
しかし、どれほど豪華なごちそうが待っていても、まずは濡れた体を拭き、身支度を整えたくなるのではないでしょうか。骨の髄まで濡れたままで食事を心から楽しめる生き物など、魚くらいしか思い浮かびません。
Greetings dear readers and may this message find you in precisely the sort of mood that comes after a nice hot bath, a good supper, and a soothing cup of tea – preferably in that order. I suppose, of course, one could have a good supper followed by a nice, soothing cup of tea (or coffee depending on the meal) and then a hot bath to follow. Yes, it’s quite conceivable that many of you are of the sort who prefer a good meal first, and find yourselves a bit “waterlogged” for some indeterminant period after a bath. True, I did not specify the conditions preceding the “good meal, hot bath, and nice of cup of tea,” and you’d be quite justified in asking for further clarification regarding the precise circumstances. For, suppose you had been caught up in one of those dreadful sudden downpours (or as the Japanese call it ゲリラ豪雨) we spoke of previously, and fallen victim to the sophomoric shenanigans of the amefuri kozo. Now, imagine yourself, as you trudge home, cursing those pesky yokai and their ill-timed pranks, and just as you open the door the glorious aroma of a piping hot meal wafts in, and a sense of profound gratitude and relief washes over you. I should suspect that prior to sitting down to partake, no matter how sumptuous the feast, you would want to dry off and clean up a bit. I can’t imagine any creature could properly enjoy a meal being soaked to the bone, thanks to the ill-mannered juvenile antics of unruly yokai, save a fish I suppose.
そういえば、だからこそ魚たちは食事の前に身を清めたりせず、いつも忙しそうに泳ぎ回っているのかもしれません。
もちろん、魚やイルカ、それにアザラシたちが無作法だと言いたいわけではありません。海や大河で生涯のほとんどを過ごす彼らにとって、「体を洗う」という発想そのものが、少し奇妙に映るのでしょう。
もっとも、博識な釣り好きでもある叔父から聞いた話では、海の中には互いに体をきれいにし合う魚たちもいるそうです。正確に言えば、小さな魚が大きな魚の歯を掃除する「歯医者さん」のような役割を担っているのだとか。相手が本来なら自分を食べてもおかしくないような大型魚であってもです。
たとえばホンソメワケベラという小さな魚は、巨大なウツボの口の中へ平然と入り込み、鋭い歯を一本一本きれいにしてあげます。
叔父は、海の世界で歯科保険がどうなっているのか、診療費は何で支払われるのかまでは教えてくれませんでした。けれど魚たちも十分に賢い生き物ですから、人間の海洋学者がまだ知らない仕組みを築いているのかもしれません。
あるいは、単純に仲の良い友人同士なのかもしれませんね。人間だって、助けられる相手なら見返りを求めず手を貸すことがあります。友情は、お金だけで測るものではありません。
科学者気質の親戚などは異議を唱えるでしょうが、鬼や人間が無償で友人を助けられるのなら、心優しい魚だって同じことをしていて不思議はない―私はそんなふうに思うのです。
Come to think of it, I believe this is why fish and other creatures of the sea and vast waterways of the world never seem to wash up before their supper and always seem to be “on the go,” as it were, even during their meals. Oh, I don’t mean to suggest that fish, dolphins, or our friends the wedder seals (though they do spend at least some of their time on land or at least quite close to it as do their penguin neighbors) are necessarily ill-mannered or uncivilized, but rather that spending almost the entirety of their lives happily underwater, the notion of “washing up” must seem rather peculiar in and of itself. Although, I have been reliably informed by a dear uncle of mine (yes, dear reader a different one, a most keen fisherman and naturalist, forgive the frequent references of my relations but we are a large and storied tribe and I do not share our names as many of them sound needlessly fearsome if not entirely unpronounceable when rendered in human speech) that many fish of the sea engage in a sort of cleaning exchange. Or, to put it more accurately, it seems some species of fish find their vocation as dentists for larger fish, including those that one might ordinarily expect to be predators.
For example, the bluestreak cleaner wrasse, a very tiny but clever fish, will swim right into the mouth of the mighty moray eel and provide its client with a thorough and vigorous cleaning of its numerous razor-sharp teeth. My uncle did not establish how dental insurance operates in the undersea world or what forms of currency are generally accepted as payment, but I should think that fish, being rather intelligent creatures, have devised some sort of schema that marine biologists haven’t discovered yet. Or, it could simply be that these two tribes of fish are good friends and much like mankind, wherein one is able to help his neighbor he is most happy to oblige. After all, some things are more important than money, and friendship, even among fish, should not be relegated to cold transactions. Yes, dear readers, although I have a terrible suspicion those dreadfully annoying “science” types (such as my all-too-frequently visiting cousin) might object to this observation, but it seems very clear to me that if a man or an oni can help a friend free of charge and expect nothing in return that a good hearted fish could easily do the same.
……さて、どこまで話しましたでしょう。
そうそう、「心地よさには順番がある」という話でした。
真夏の焼けつくような一日を思い浮かべてください。日が沈んでも暑さがなかなか和らがない、あの季節です。
レスリングや岩投げ―これは私たち鬼のお気に入りですが―そんな激しい運動を終えて帰宅したとしましょう。あるいは人間なら、せっかくの散歩を複雑な仕掛けだらけにしてしまったようにも見える、不思議な競技「ゴルフ」のあとでも構いません。
汗びっしょりで家へ帰り、夕食が待っていることに感謝しながらも、そのまま食卓へ向かう人は少ないでしょう。軽く体を洗うか、お風呂に入り、着替えを済ませ、それから冷たい水や牛乳を一杯―そうしてから夕食を楽しみたくなるはずです。
ええ、その順番がいちばん自然だと思います。
But yes…where was I? Oh yes, on the proper order of pleasures!
Let us suppose another scenario wherein you had just returned home on a blazing hot summer day. You know the sort wherein the sun beats down most mercilessly and even when he retires for the moon to make her entrance, the heat does not abate. Let us further assume that you were returning from some strenuous exercise such as wrestling or boulder throwing (two activities we oni are most fond of) or, perhaps being human, you would prefer that strange and complicated game which seems to be filled with many needless contrivances that appear to do nothing but spoil an otherwise pleasant walk: golf. I should think that, again as you entered your doorway drenched in sweat, relieved to be home and most grateful to have dinner waiting, you would vastly prefer to clean up a bit if not bathe, change, and maybe have a refreshing, ice-cold glass of water or even milk (more on this in a moment) prior to enjoying your evening meal.
そうなると理屈の上では、残る順番は「お茶、お風呂、夕食」ということになります。
しかし、正直に申し上げますと、田舎育ちの慎ましい鬼である私には、この順番はどうにも理解しがたいのです。
まず、お茶は食事の前に飲むものではありません。食前酒とは役割が違いますし、多くの場合、お茶には小さなお菓子や軽食が添えられるものです。
午後4時の英国式ティータイムを楽しまれる方なら、小さなクッキー―英国では「ビスケット」と呼びますが、アメリカ人には少々ややこしい名称です―や、ティーサンドイッチをご存じでしょう。
ちなみにティーサンドイッチとは、お茶で作ったサンドイッチではなく、お茶と一緒に楽しむためのサンドイッチです。英語という言葉は、時にこうした大切な違いをあまり親切に説明してくれません。
ですから、お茶を飲んですぐ夕食という流れは、私にはどうにも落ち着きません。もっとも、この話題そのものが、実際にはほとんど存在しない極めて少数派の問題なのかもしれませんね。
あるいは、大学の教授が「日常の楽しみを並べる順番の不条理性」などという研究費を獲得して、学問のためだけに試してみた結果なのかもしれません。
いずれにしても、お風呂のあとには冷たい飲み物が欲しくなるという感覚だけは、人間も妖怪も共通しているように思えます。
Yes, I think we can all agree such a thing is most sensible. Now, we must address the fact that, theoretically speaking, this leaves the third possible option of having the nice cup of tea before the bath and then the supper. Well, my dear readers, I must confess…being the humble, country oni that I am, this strikes me as being the product of a disordered and unsound mind. For one, even if we were to dismiss the two previous scenarios and you were not unpleasantly saturated (whether by incommodious yokai or the perspiration brought on by hearty exercise) prior to sitting down to a scrumptious meal, having a hot cup of tea beforehand seems most peculiar. For one, tea in particular isn’t meant to be a precursor to a meal, unlike an aperitif. Two, tea is typically enjoyed not on its own but accompanied by some small but delightful snack. Now, I am sure some of you practice the English tradition of tea at 4:00 PM, and will agree this is often accompanied by small, delectable cookies (or what the English call “biscuits” which is most perplexing and irritating for us Americans – both oni and human – as the “American Biscuit” represents an entirely different food altogether) or at times, even sandwiches. These are called “tea sandwiches” which is not to say they are sandiwches made out of tea but rather made to be enjoyed with tea, and these are the sort of important distinctions that English sometimes leaves rather ambiguous.
At any rate, the idea of proceeding from tea directly to dinner I believe is technically an illegal act in England and punishable by some sort of fine, assuming one doesn’t possess a “proceed directly to supper” license or something of that sort. However, I doubt that many of you assumed that the cup of tea in question was the sort you’d have at “tea-time” but rather the sort you’d have to relax and unwind in the evening. So, it could be that I am addressing only a tiny fringe element in treating this unwise order of procedure: 1) cup of tea 2) hot bath 3) supper. In fact, it’s possible that this order of operations is purely hypothetical and that has only been attempted for the purpose of academic experimentation. Sadly, I’m certain some professor type was able to get a grant researching “absurdist orders of common leisures” or something to that effect. This business of baths and beverages might vary in custom and practice, but the idea of a cool drink following a hot bath seems to be universal to yokai and mankind alike.
日本では、温泉や銭湯から上がったあと、冷たい牛乳やコーヒー牛乳を飲む習慣がありますね。
ただ以前から少し不思議に思っているのですが、「コーヒー牛乳」という名前だけを聞けば、コーヒーが主体で牛乳が少し入った飲み物を想像してしまいます。ところが実際は、その逆です。大半は牛乳で、コーヒーはほんの少し。
そう考えると、「ミルクコーヒー」あるいは「牛乳にほんの少しコーヒーを加えた飲み物」と呼ぶほうが正確なのでしょうが、さすがに缶には収まりそうもありません。
ともあれ、お風呂上がりに熱い飲み物というのは、習慣にも理にもかなっていないように思えます。少々危険ですらあるでしょう。
登別温泉の「鬼の湯」まで行かなくても、熱いお風呂やサウナのあとに欲しくなるのは、冷たいシャワーと冷たい飲み物です。
そういえば、日本に住む鬼の親戚が話していたのですが、北海道の皆さんが「鬼の湯」という名前で私たちを称えてくださることは大変ありがたいものの、鬼だからといって皆があれほど熱い湯を好むわけではないそうです。もちろん丈夫な体ですから耐えられますけれど。
いずれにしても、熱い湯で温まり切った体へ、さらに熱い飲み物を流し込むのは、少々無謀というものです。何が起こるか分かったものではありません。
だから私は思うのです。
心地よさというものには、それぞれ自然な順番があります。そしてその順番は、そのときの体の状態に寄り添いながら、ちょうどよい心地よさを探していくものなのでしょう。
鬼も、人間も、そして海の魚たちでさえ―きっと、この考えには賛成してくれるのではないでしょうか。
本当は最初から、そのことだけをお話ししたかったのです。もっとも、今回も少々話が横道へそれてしまいましたが。
今日という一日の中で、皆さまが「おいしい食事」「熱いお風呂」「一杯のお茶」のどれかを楽しめていたなら幸いです。
そして願わくば、それらをいちばん心地よい順番で味わっていてくださいますように。
また次回お会いしましょう。Until next time!
In Japan, as I’m sure you’re well aware, oftentimes following a luxurious and restorative dip at an onsen, or even a local sentou, it’s customary to have cold milk, or sometimes “coffee milk” usually from a conveniently placed vending machine. Although, I must confess that “coffee milk” has always struck me as something of a misnomer given the fact that word “coffee” precedes the word “milk” it would give the uninitiated the impression that the greater portion of the beverage is made up of coffee, with a dash of milk, making a sort of cafe au lait. However, the situation is precisely the reverse and the beverage itself is milk with a dash of coffee (I should hazard to guess something like a 70/30 ratio, but cannot be certain). Hence, “milk coffee” or “milk with a very small splash of coffee that cannot rightly be called a cafe au lait” would be a far more accurate descriptor, although it’s not the sort of thing that easily fits on the side of a small, six-ounce can. The larger point being, I suppose, that a hot beverage directly following a hot bath is not only contrary to convention and good sense, it is downright dangerous I should think.
One needn’t travel to Noboribetsu Onsen and brave the 「鬼の湯」to know that what’s truly needed following a good hot bath, or perhaps a sauna or a steam, is a refreshing cold shower and a refreshing cold drink. Incidentally dear readers, if I may give a personal anecdote from a Japanese cousin of mine, he mentioned that while the oni of Japan are indeed quite flattered by the good people of Hokkaido and their novel tribute to our kind with this nomenclature; it is not entirely accurate to say that we oni all insist upon our baths being quite so hot, although certainly our stout bodies and tough skin are more than up for the task. At any rate, the point being that placing hot liquids inside a body that has just been simmered and stewed in a hot bath is the acme of foolishness. There’s really no telling what could happen.
So, it seems to me that the natural order of pleasures follows directly to the body’s condition, always seeking a comfortable “happy medium” as it were. And I think this, perhaps, is the sort of thing that oni, mankind, and even the fish of the sea (why not?) would readily agree on. And this is really what I meant to say at the onset, my dear readers (though it appears my words have gotten away with me once again). I hope you were able to enjoy at least one of those three simple pleasures today, and I do hope you had the good sense to partake of them in the proper order.
Until next time!
What a splendid land this is, and how lovely are its people! Fear not, I promise not to eat anyone!
-Aka-Oni
